Wednesday, January 29, 2014

6 Months Down, Forever to Go

I sent my husband this text this morning:
"6 more months until we can eat freezer burned cake!!!"

As I look out the window at a snow-covered winter wonderland, in some ways, our summer wedding day six months ago feels more like a lifetime ago.  But in reality, we are only six months into a journey that will, in fact, last a lifetime.

Brian and I were "practically married" for a long time before we actually got married so I didn't think much would change.  We still live in the same townhouse; we still treat our dog like a human child; we still pay the same bills; he still leaves his hats on every surface in the house; I still pour a drink for myself in a giant cup and only drink half of it.  We are still the same flawed but stupid-in-love people we were six months ago.

But here's the biggest transformation... the best change that has come out of marriage so far... we act like husband and wife.  We are, in every sense of the word, a team.  I always thought all my selfish ways would vanish when I had a baby because for the first time ever I'd have someone to take care of besides myself.  I'm happy to report that all (well most) of my selfishness disappeared the day I married Brian.  Every single decision I make about my life, from now on, concerns another person.  My husband.  I no longer have that "Me Against the World" mentality because Brian has taught me that it's "Us Against the World" which makes it a lot less scary.

I got laid off about five minutes after we got married.  The timing could not have been worse.  Before I got married, I would have called the one person in the world who would know exactly what to do: my mom.  Instead, without hesitation, I called my husband.  (My mom was my next phone call.  She always will be.)

Brian's reaction to that call showed me exactly why I married him in the first place.  He wasn't mad.  Well, he wasn't mad at me; he was mad as hell at the corporate jerks who eliminated my position.  I'm paraphrasing but this is pretty much what he said:
"Kays, we will be fine.  You weren't happy there anyway.  Now you can take some time and figure out what you really want to do.  Plan weddings.  Write your book.  Take the dog for long walks.  We will be fine."

It was one of the lowest points of my life and Brian made me realize that I didn't have to carry this burden alone.  And I never have to again.  When people get engaged, they often think of all the wonderful, fabulous, huge moments they will share with their spouse.  The great "firsts" of any marriage - first house, first baby, first family vacation, first promotion.  Well, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, Brian and I were slapped in the face by a "first" we were so not prepared for: first financial hardship.  That's about as real-life-married as it gets.

He was right, though.  I am fine.  He is fine.  We are fine.  In fact, together we are more than fine.  Together we are unstoppable.


6 months later...

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